After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
