Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
