Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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