Buhtt sex?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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