EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize