ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
