You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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