You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
