I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
