Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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