The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
