Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
