You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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