I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
