She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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