dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
