Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
