yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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