the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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