Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
