I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize