real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
