I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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