I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
