I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
