remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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