How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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