i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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