take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize