Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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