last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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