Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
