im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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