Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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