Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
