NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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