Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
