I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
