lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
