Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
