whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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