Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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