hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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