the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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