sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
