So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
pray to the hookup gods
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
