Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
