the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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