I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
