I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
