Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
