Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
