she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I love having hate sex.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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