i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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