Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
