I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
