Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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