dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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