Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
