I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
