I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
