i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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