I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
