My hair reeks of homosexuality.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
