i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
